How will I get through another day?

Sometimes I wonder, "How will I get through another day?"

It is at these times that I catch myself walking out the door down the long drive outside. I have walked this walk hundreds of times since my late husband passed away in '06. At these times, when I feel most vulnerable, exhausted, and plum used up, I look up to the heavens and catch myself muttering, pleading, "God, be enough ... please God, just be enough!"

I never feel the earth rumble under my feet. I don't hear a voice in my head telling me everything will be okay. I don't feel satisfied or that anything has changed. Yet, somehow, there is a release when I cry out to him. I let out a long breath in a sigh, look up at the house, and brace myself for the next chapter of my life.

One thing this little ritual has done for me, is allowed me to throw all of my sorrows, my worries and woes, to a something that is out there, that is much bigger than you or I. That something is a person, of sorts, that I have grown very close to and very fond of. I call him my Lord. He is my heavenly father, my Lord Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, all wrapped up in an entity that I choose to call God.

How sweet it is to realize that I don't have to carry my own burdens. When I just don't know what else to do, I do what I do best and should always do first ... I roll it over to him. He is enough, by golly! He is that substance of things I know exists, though I can no more see it than I can the air that I breathe or the heart that beats within my own body. Yet, not seeing these things doesn't mean they are not real. In fact I must believe, I choose to believe, that he cares for me, he loves me, and that he is assuredly enough!

Thursday, April 21, 2016

Trapped Emergence

I am trapped! Trapped in this big body is a beautiful being who needs to fly. Trapped in a home where death still exists. Trapped in a luxurious tomb! How does one break free of a body who won't yield, but presses down, presses and smothers you? How does one escape from the remnants of a death? How can one escape from luxury that is only subsistence, unreal, looks luxurious but really drowns it's victim whose in poverty of heart? God free me Free me from a lie - free me from simply existence to flight and laughter, joy and exuberance, peace and light! Free me from this casing - a cocoon made of pain and ache, sorrow and grief - let her emerge - and let her fly In Jesus Name!
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