Trapped Emergence

I am trapped! Trapped in this big body is a beautiful being who needs to fly. Trapped in a home where death still exists. Trapped in a luxurious tomb! How does one break free of a body who won't yield, but presses down, presses and smothers you? How does one escape from the remnants of a death? How can one escape from luxury that is only subsistence, unreal, looks luxurious but really drowns it's victim whose in poverty of heart? God free me Free me from a lie - free me from simply existence to flight and laughter, joy and exuberance, peace and light! Free me from this casing - a cocoon made of pain and ache, sorrow and grief - let her emerge - and let her fly In Jesus Name!

Our lives are like ripples upon a smooth pond. There is not one tiny part of the water’s surface that doesn’t move when the water is disturbed. We may not think others are watching, and may think our actions don’t matter, but every word we say, every action we make, causes motion to come about. What ripples in the hearts of those you touch did your words and actions produce today? Choose wisely, pray earnestly, watch intently, and be ever mindful that there is not a second that goes by in your day when the Lord does not know what your intentions are.

I bid thee, sweet slumber, come to me Take me, blanket me within your arms Nothing but darkness Nothing but quiet Though peaceful I long for sleep, for sweet bliss To slumber, to dream, to drift sweetly away For this body is aching, it needs to find rest I long for nothing but sweet release Comfort, peace, and quite stillness The downy comforter awaits As does a stuffed pillow of fluff Sweet fragrance of soft sheets And lavender scents Yet my mind holds on to consciousness It seems to be fearful I know not what of Oh, God Will you help me I know that you can Will you allow me to find rest for my soul Will you cover me with grace, envelope me in love Will you whisper kind words to me? Assure me you’re here Then all will be well Then I shall find rest

She listened, but heard nothing. The whir of the fan and the tick of the clock were the only semblance of life. She kept expecting the door to open at any moment, voices and laughter filling the room, but … nothing. Only silence. Existence was excruciating for her. The vacancy that she was having trouble dealing with on the outside, reminded her of the solace she felt within. There was simply … nothing! Her family was gone. Her children had grown and moved away, and her beloved husband had passed on. She felt an unfamiliar feeling that she no longer thought she could bear, that being this thing called … alone! What was she to do? She had read her Bible through, the year her husband was so ill. She felt as if she existed on a cloud of pure love when he was so sick. Her family had surrounded her, her God was available every moment, friends called often, and the mailbox held cards from family and friends every day. Hospice nurses and social workers had been a very present help in time of need the last few months of her husband’s life. Her husband’s family had naturally been concerned, so had called daily. Then, after his death, everything changed. Within six months her two grown sons moved into their own places to go to seminary and to school. Her daughter remained for a while, but then she, too, had to move on for school. One child remained behind. She dare not hold him too tightly within her heart, for she realized that her remaining child would eventually leave, as well. Today, for today, couldn’t things be as they once were? She recalled a place in time, a place where nothing could move her spiritually or emotionally. A place where she felt ever so grounded, strong, sure, and even beautiful. Oh how it seemed as if that were just a moment in time, now. Looking back, it was only a moment. She sighed, breathing in deeply, and then startled at the reality of that deep sigh. Life would never, no never be the same again. There was a house on a hill Whose light shine brightly all around Those who saw the light were drawn For from it came a melodious sound The sound was life from within It was laughter and love sounding bright Love shined so brightly from within That the world was drawn to the light But now, there was no more light, for the light had been snuffed out. How could she come to find herself again? How could she be left alone? She knew much about life and had lived life full. But now, this thing called alone, seemed to threaten the very core of her being. One thing she never dreamed she would experience was being alone.

Well, eight years ago today I got up like any other morning, not realizing that this date would be the one God would choose to take you to be with Him. I had two years to prepare my heart, but I never really was “prepared” for the life I have come to know without you. You are missed every day! I still cry at times when we go somewhere I know you would have enjoyed, but especially when I see our son leap over a landmark and conquer a goal, which happens frequently! I know you would be so proud of this child of yours. He has become a man so very quickly! I am amazed at his maturity and grasp of life, the values and morals he embraces, and the fact he loves and serves the same God as do we. Oh, you are missed! Did I ever tell you thank you? Thank you, for our son, our home, the condition in which you left us so well cared for? You did an amazing job. My children loved you, as did everyone who got to know you. It is said quiet waters run deep. This is how I always saw you. You didn’t speak until you had something worthwhile to say. This is the way of your son. Our child is a quiet man, reminding me much of you! He looks at me with those dark eyes of yours, and it melts my heart. Thank you for this sweet child. I do believe you are with God and you both watch over us. I can feel you, sense you, and believe you do the same with us. Thank you for watching out for us. I miss you! And though forces have come between you and I to keep us apart, it has not hindered the love I still have for you. Now and always yours, Joy

10.20.2014 For some time I’ve been very afraid I would get bitten by a spider in the middle of the night while I slept. Tonight I woke up from a very sound sleep. I laid there a moment, wondering why I awoke. Then I felt it, scampering up my arm! Simultaneously, I brushed off my arm and jumped out of bed. I quickly turned on the lamp beside my bed, and there it was, crumpled, dead, but very much a spider. I ran and got the tweezers out of the nearby bathroom and picked up the little spider to examine it. I had to get my reading glasses to make out the markings on the spider. Yep, sure enough, it had a tiny brown fiddle on its back. It was a brown recluse! Though the thing was small, it was real! I hadn’t dreamed or imagined it. My fear had become a reality! At church this morning our pastor spoke on fear. As Christians we have no reason to fear if we trust God, says he. At the end of a very good sermon we were asked to bow our heads and close our eyes. We were asked to recall our fears, cup our hands, place all our fears in the cup, and offer them up to the Lord, releasing our fears to him. I placed a few things into the cup of my hands, and shed a few heart-felt tears as I lifted up the cup and released those fears to the Lord. I left church feeling light hearted. But, I forgot to place my fear of spiders into the cup! My fears of spiders occurred, as most fears are birthed, through a bad experience. I’ve always had a healthy respect for spiders, but I was never “afraid” of them, until I got bitten by a brown recluse a few years ago. It was a painful experience. Since that time I am not humored by watching yellow banana spiders spin their lovely webs or taking pictures of sparkly dew-dripped webs at sunrise. In fact, when I see one, no living creature will ever see it again, for it will surely wind up a dead spider! So, my lousy fear of a spider crawling into my bed chamber with me came to fruition! Sigh … However, spider did not eat me, or even get a nibble! Spider got obliterated! Down the toilet it got flushed to never be seen again! Now, since I am awake (3:23 AM) due to not really wanting to climb back into the bed where a spider murder recently occurred, for what if said spider had siblings that might also be hungry, or better yet, vengeful? And even though I am sleepy and could fall out quickly, I could not be but wide awake when my head hit the pillow for fear of spider siblings, of course! And besides, I am in a query over waking before I got bitten! How did I wake up in time to smite the spider before it had a chance to take a bite of me? I have a theory! I happen to believe creatures exist on the planet that are similar to brown recluse spiders in that they are hidden from us and seldom seen. These creatures are powerful, are said to be huge, are put here for our good and for our protection, and are in service to none other than God Almighty. I believe in angels, my friends. Yes, I really do! And having preached to myself the good Word, and having faith and trust in God, I bid you Good Night! My bed is now calling my name. Sleep well … For He shall give His angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways. In their hands they shall bear you up, lest you dash your foot against a stone. You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra, the young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot. “Because he has set his love upon me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him on high, because he has known My name. He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him, and show him My salvation.” Psalms 91:11-16

10/17/14 Ebola has come to Dallas, and with that reality has come fear to the masses, especially those in the surrounding areas. My daughter works at a school in Royse City, Texas that is closed today due to the threat of Ebola. The mother of two little girls who live in Royse City was a nurse to one of the nurses who contracted the disease. She has isolated herself, and her daughters, due to the threat of the disease. The thought of this deadly disease causes fear to grip our hearts! The “what ifs” begin to spill from our lips and disquiet our peace. In allowing the “what ifs” to form in our mind and come out of our hearts through mere words, fear and doubt can spread fear to others much faster than the disease itself! We meditate on the “what ifs” and allow fear to conquer the depths of our very trust in God! Psalms 18:4 The pangs of death surrounded me, and the floods of ungodliness made me afraid. Look at the scripture above: 4a. The pangs of death surrounded me. Have we not heard of this dreadful disease and how many lives have been taken? 4b. And the floods of ungodliness made me afraid. You may be shaking your head and wondering, “What does that have to do with me?”What have we flooded our minds with? The news on Ebola? The “what ifs”! When we meditate on the “what ifs”, we fail to trust God! This, dear ones, is ungodliness. We are to be responsibly informed, but we are not to be afraid! When Jesus was brought before the people, Pilate asked them, “Do you therefore want me to release to you the King of the Jews?” The Bible states, they all cried again, saying, “Not this Man, but Barrabas!” Now Barrabas was a robber. John 18:39b, 40. Isn’t it interesting that the people could have saved Jesus life had they not chosen the “robber” over Jesus? It is interesting, as well, that we, many times, choose the “robber” over Jesus! Jesus said, speaking of Satan: “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” John 10:10 Why do we choose to believe the thief’s words, and allow him to rob our peace and steal our joy? Why do we entertain fear instead of trusting God? Why is it so much easier to believe the negative than the positive? Our action, as Christians, is to impart the peace we have within unto others. We are to help calm the storms, encourage, inspire, and comfort the unbeliever, and each other. We are to allow the Holy Spirit, who lives within the heart of a Christian, to be imparted to those whose lives we touch! What are the issues which are coming from the words of our lips today? What are the issues in your heart today? Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit. Proverbs 18:21 A fool’s lips inter into contention, And his mouth calls for blows, A fool’s mouth is his destruction, And his lips are the snare of his soul. The words of a talebearer are like tasty trifles, And they go down into the inmost body. Proverbs 18: 6-8 He who has a perverse tongue falls into evil. Proverbs 17: 20b He who has knowledge spares his words, and a man of understanding is of a calm spirit. Even a fool is counted wise when he holds his peace; When he shuts his lips, he is considered perceptive. Proverbs 17: 27 & 28 Joy