How will I get through another day?

Sometimes I wonder, "How will I get through another day?"

It is at these times that I catch myself walking out the door down the long drive outside. I have walked this walk hundreds of times since my late husband passed away in '06. At these times, when I feel most vulnerable, exhausted, and plum used up, I look up to the heavens and catch myself muttering, pleading, "God, be enough ... please God, just be enough!"

I never feel the earth rumble under my feet. I don't hear a voice in my head telling me everything will be okay. I don't feel satisfied or that anything has changed. Yet, somehow, there is a release when I cry out to him. I let out a long breath in a sigh, look up at the house, and brace myself for the next chapter of my life.

One thing this little ritual has done for me, is allowed me to throw all of my sorrows, my worries and woes, to a something that is out there, that is much bigger than you or I. That something is a person, of sorts, that I have grown very close to and very fond of. I call him my Lord. He is my heavenly father, my Lord Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, all wrapped up in an entity that I choose to call God.

How sweet it is to realize that I don't have to carry my own burdens. When I just don't know what else to do, I do what I do best and should always do first ... I roll it over to him. He is enough, by golly! He is that substance of things I know exists, though I can no more see it than I can the air that I breathe or the heart that beats within my own body. Yet, not seeing these things doesn't mean they are not real. In fact I must believe, I choose to believe, that he cares for me, he loves me, and that he is assuredly enough!

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Confined in this body of flesh: On the inside of me, in my heart, my soul, my mind, are infinite possibilities. I feel as if I could fly ... emotionally, mentally, spiritually. Yet there are so many limitations to this flesh we carry around ... So in order to "fly" and be free, our minds must soar out of this mediocre complacent existence in which we are encased! We must create, sing, dance, paint, play, jump, laugh ... to enjoy life, to experience life, to it's fullest! I believe there is another dimension, which we may hear about with our ears, read about with our eyes, sense with our whole being, but cannot seem to reach while here in this flesh. Or can we? Today, I feel not as an eagle, but as a little bug that can be eaten ... yet, I must live beyond my feelings. It is not within us to soar each morning … we must CHOOSE to soar! In Him, we may. He has given us this ability. I can stay pressed down ... giving in to complacency and mediocrity ... or I can choose to soar. It is my choice! Wow! It is a freeing thing to realize that we serve an amazing God that allows us to map out our own flight plan. We can choose to carry baggage or fly light! Is the factor of carrying pure trust not the only way to fly free? Forgiveness is key! We must accept HIS forgiveness, accept Him … and than choose to live the way he lives. In that, I mean we too must choose to love, walk in forgiveness, and be not entangled with the yoke of bondage, which so easily ensnares us. Bondage holds us down. Bondage comes with un-forgiveness. When we choose to forgive, we choose Christ. When we choose to hold a grudge, we choose flesh. Flesh leads to flesh … a blob … selfishness … depression … unnecessary heaviness. When we are heavy with flesh … worry … self … un-forgiveness … we are too heavy to fly! Too much baggage! So today, for just today … I choose to shake off the bonds of flesh. I choose to walk in forgiveness. I choose to trust. I choose Him! I will fly, maybe for only a moment … but when I learn to fly, then I can learn to soar … then I am free from the bondage of sin! Free to soar! Today, I choose to soar! Come with me … let’s fly, light, free … Can you? Will you? It’s your choice!
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